If you’re caring for a parent or spouse with dementia, you probably know the feeling. There’s the phone call at 2 a.m., the pill organizer, the doctor’s appointments squeezed in around work, and the quiet worry that never quite goes away. You do it out of love. But love doesn’t make you immune to exhaustion.
November is National Family Caregivers Month, a good moment to say something every caregiver deserves to hear: taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. It’s part of taking care of them.
Why caregiving wears people down
Caregiving can be deeply rewarding. The National Institute on Aging (NIA) notes that many people find a sense of fulfillment in it and like feeling useful and needed. But the NIA also points out that the ongoing demands of caring for someone can strain even the most resilient person.
Caregivers often put their own needs last. According to the NIA, they’re less likely than others to get preventive care like annual checkups, and they tend to have a higher risk of physical and mental health problems, sleep problems, and conditions such as high blood pressure.
Dementia caregiving can be especially demanding, because needs change over time and the person you’re caring for may not be able to tell you what they need. The Alzheimer’s Association notes that dementia caregivers frequently report high levels of stress.
Signs of caregiver burnout
Burnout usually doesn’t arrive all at once. It builds slowly, which makes it easy to dismiss. The Alzheimer’s Association lists 10 symptoms of caregiver stress, each with an example of what it can sound like:
- Denial about the disease and its effects (“I know Mom is going to get better.”)
- Anger or frustration at the person (“He knows how to get dressed, he’s just being stubborn.”)
- Social withdrawal from friends and activities you used to enjoy
- Anxiety about the future and facing another day
- Depression that affects your ability to cope
- Exhaustion that makes daily tasks feel nearly impossible
- Sleeplessness from a never-ending list of worries
- Irritability and moodiness
- Trouble concentrating (“I was so busy, I forgot my appointment.”)
- Health problems that start to take a mental and physical toll
The NIA adds a few more everyday warning signs: not having time to exercise or make healthy food for yourself, skipping showers or other personal care, frequent headaches or pain, and misusing alcohol or medications.
If several of these sound familiar on a regular basis, the Alzheimer’s Association recommends making time to talk to your own doctor. Ignoring the symptoms can cause your physical and mental health to decline.
Why asking for help is so hard
Many caregivers answer “Thanks, but I’m fine” when someone offers to help. You may worry about being a burden, or feel that no one else can do it the way you do. The NIA notes that many caregivers later say they did too much on their own and wish they had asked for more support from family and friends.
It may help to remember that many people want to help. They often just don’t know what to offer.
Practical ways to ask
The NIA suggests a few ways to make asking easier:
- Start small. Ask for one simple thing, like picking up groceries or sitting with your loved one for an hour.
- Use text or email if asking face-to-face feels hard.
- Match the task to the person. A cousin who loves to cook might bring meals. A sibling who’s good with numbers might handle the bills or insurance calls.
- Share the load in writing. A shared calendar or task list helps everyone see what needs doing. The Alzheimer’s Association suggests a care team calendar for exactly this.
If family lives far away, they can still help with phone calls, paperwork, online orders or simply checking in on you.
What respite care is and how to find it
Sometimes the best help is a real break. Respite care is short-term care for your loved one that gives you, the primary caregiver, time to rest. The NIA explains that it can last anywhere from a few hours to several weeks and can happen at home, in a health care facility or at an adult day care center. Family, friends or volunteers can sometimes step in, and professional services are also available.
To find respite options near you, the NIA points to the ARCH National Respite Locator Service. The free federal Eldercare Locator can also connect you with local aging services. Before you commit, ask any provider about costs. The NIA notes that most private health insurance doesn’t cover respite care, though some long-term care insurance plans may.
When it may be time for more support
Sometimes a break isn’t enough. If your loved one’s needs have grown beyond what you can safely manage at home, or your own health is suffering, it may be time to explore an assisted living facility with memory care. Choosing that kind of support isn’t giving up. For many families, it means getting to be a daughter, son or spouse again, instead of a full-time caregiver.
You don’t have to do this alone
Whatever stage you’re in, support is out there. The Alzheimer’s Association’s free 24/7 Helpline, 800-272-3900, is staffed around the clock for caregivers who need to talk something through.
If you’d like to talk about what full-time assisted living or memory care could look like for your family, Village Forest Care Cottage is here to help, with staff on hand 24/7 at both of our homes. Call us or send us a message:
- Rosenberg Cottage, 3200 Avenue N, Rosenberg, TX 77471: (346) 840-2155
- Needville Cottage, 7306 Welch Ct, Needville, TX 77461: (281) 755-8702
Thank you for everything you do. This month, and every month, you deserve care too.
This article is for general education only and is not medical or mental health advice. If you’re struggling, please talk with your doctor.
Sources
- Alzheimer’s Association, “Caregiver Stress”: https://www.alz.org/help-support/caregiving/caregiver-health/caregiver-stress
- National Institute on Aging, “Taking Care of Yourself: Tips for Caregivers”: https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/caregiving/taking-care-yourself-tips-caregivers
- National Institute on Aging, “What Is Respite Care?”: https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/caregiving/what-respite-care
- ARCH National Respite Locator Service: https://archrespite.org/
- Eldercare Locator (U.S. Administration for Community Living): https://eldercare.acl.gov/
- Alzheimer’s Association news release on November observances (Nov. 3, 2025): https://www.alz.org/news/2025/november-national-family-caregivers-alzheimers-disease-awareness-month
