The holidays have a way of bringing everyone home. There’s the long table, the recipes that only come out once a year, and the cousins you haven’t seen since last November. When someone you love is living with dementia, all of that can feel a little different. You may be wondering how Dad will handle a full house, or whether Grandma will recognize the grandkids this year.
The good news is that a meaningful holiday doesn’t have to look exactly like it used to. With a bit of planning, you can build a gathering that feels warm and familiar for your loved one and a lot less stressful for you.
Start by adjusting expectations
The Alzheimer’s Association notes that holidays can bring stress, disappointment or sadness along with the joy, and that a person living with dementia may feel a special sense of loss during this season. Caregivers often feel overwhelmed trying to keep every tradition going while also providing care.
So give yourself permission to scale back. The National Institute on Aging (NIA) puts it simply: understand that things will be different, and be realistic about what you can do. That might mean:
- A smaller dinner with close family instead of the big open house
- A few favorite decorations instead of decorating every room
- Handing off a role you’ve always had, like making the turkey or the pecan pie, so someone else can start a new tradition
Letting go of a tradition can feel like a loss. It can also free you up to enjoy the people around the table.
Plan around their best time of day
Many people living with dementia do best at certain times of day. The Alzheimer’s Association points out that some people become more confused or agitated in the late afternoon and evening, a pattern often called sundowning, and suggests celebrating earlier in the day to work around it.
A holiday lunch instead of a late dinner, or opening gifts in the morning, can make a real difference. Try to keep their usual routine for meals, rest and medications as much as you can, so the day doesn’t become disruptive.
Keep the setting calm and familiar
Big gatherings can be a lot for anyone. For a person with dementia, noise and activity can quickly become overwhelming. The NIA suggests a few simple steps:
- Create a quiet space. Set aside a room where your loved one can rest and recharge, with calming music or a favorite activity nearby.
- Limit the crowd. Invite family to visit, but limit how many people are there at one time.
- Keep it to one conversation at a time. The Alzheimer’s Association notes that cross talk and several conversations at once can be hard for a person living with dementia to follow.
- Avoid crowds and unfamiliar places when possible. Changes in routine and strange surroundings can make a person feel confused or nervous.
The Alzheimer’s Association also suggests skipping decorations that look like food, such as candy or artificial fruit, which might be mistaken for something to eat. Blinking lights can be confusing too.
Give them a role in the celebration
Feeling useful matters, at every stage of life. The Alzheimer’s Association encourages involving your loved one in safe, manageable holiday tasks they enjoy, like helping prepare food, wrapping packages, decorating or setting the table.
Keep tasks simple and let go of how perfectly they get done. Folding napkins, stirring the batter or choosing the music can all be ways to take part. Looking through old photo albums together, or singing familiar holiday songs, can also be a lovely way to connect.
Prepare family and guests ahead of time
Relatives who haven’t visited in a while may be surprised by changes. A quick call, text or group message before the holiday can help everyone arrive ready. The Alzheimer’s Association suggests using that conversation to share what changes guests might notice and what you can and can’t take on this year.
A few things worth sharing with guests:
- Introduce yourself gently. “Hi Mom, it’s Sarah” helps more than “Do you remember me?”
- Go with the flow. If a story gets repeated, or details get mixed up, there’s no need to correct it.
- Remember what matters. Being together matters more than whether every name or detail is remembered. Forgetting is part of the illness, not a choice.
If your loved one lives in a care community
If your parent lives in an assisted living facility or memory care, the holidays can still be full of connection. Talk with staff ahead of time about the best time to visit and whether a quieter space is available. Short, unhurried visits at their best time of day often go better than long ones. Bringing a familiar dish, a favorite song or a family photo can be a small, lovely bridge to holidays past.
If you can’t be there in person, a phone or video call still counts. The Alzheimer’s Association suggests keeping virtual gatherings simple and structured, like sharing pictures or singing a seasonal song together.
Don’t forget to take care of you
Caregivers carry a lot this time of year. The NIA reminds caregivers to enjoy themselves too: find time for the holiday activities you like, and ask a friend or family member to spend time with your loved one while you’re out. The Alzheimer’s Association adds that no one should expect you to keep every holiday tradition going. Do what you can reasonably and safely manage, and let that be enough.
The Alzheimer’s Association’s free 24/7 Helpline at 800-272-3900 is also there if you need someone to talk through holiday plans with.
We’re here this season
At Village Forest Care Cottage, we offer assisted living and memory care in two small, home-like settings, with staff on hand 24/7. If you’re starting to think about what extra support might look like, you’re welcome to learn more about Needville Cottage or call either home with questions:
- Rosenberg Cottage, 3200 Avenue N, Rosenberg, TX 77471: (346) 840-2155
- Needville Cottage, 7306 Welch Ct, Needville, TX 77461: (281) 755-8702
From our families to yours, we wish you a peaceful holiday season.
This article is for general education only and is not medical advice. Please talk with your loved one’s doctor about any specific care concerns.
Sources
- Alzheimer’s Association, “The Holidays and Alzheimer’s”: https://www.alz.org/help-support/caregiving/holidays
- National Institute on Aging, “Adapting Activities for People With Alzheimer’s Disease” (Holidays section): https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/alzheimers-caregiving/adapting-activities-people-alzheimers-disease#holidays
